Do it for yourself and only yourself

It’s a Kid Cudi night.

Miss Tumblr, been such a long time.

Sorry, but I’m still gone from the scene.

can’t wait for summer. It’s gonna be full time work. Working out. Saving up for my car and losing 30lbs. Achieve my goals and ambition. I just want to exhaust myself mentally and physically so I’ll be tired to be emotionally overthinking.

Shit sucks that I think about it still. Holy shit bruce, move the fuck on.

-but maybe its the way it ended. It was short, I put too much into it, and knowing that I really can’t have one of those best friends, playful relationship because I’m to be, I’d feel like it’d be a waste of my time and I’d be hurt all over.

man fuck this. fuck all of this shit. I have friends and met people who’ve gone through more relationship problems than me and yet I’ve here fucking complaining.

So what was it for ? 3weeks. 10/22. Prom. That Kiss. For nothing? Was only for the moment? Just cause ? Picking up your calls, text, picking you up late night, just being there. everything.

Yeah, I like you. I didn’t always do it JUST cause I like you. Cause I’m that nice of a guy and that best friend I tried to be. Yes I did want to go to prom, but the way you put it saying “only if he ask me in a nice way”. I did that, that poster thing was for fun and for laughs. I understand prom is a BIG thing for girls, its a highschool memory. For me, I wanted to go with someone I like, knowing I’ll have fun and can be legit. Picking up your calls and text is something on the regular.  I got a phone, I’ll reply. Why do I text/call back asap ? because I’m not even sure if  your OK or you need something I can provide. Late night pickup ? I’ll do it for anyone that needs it, be it their drunk, lost, need a ride home.

You asked me why WE can’t be best friends. Like me with her him or anyone. I try to, I really do. It’s just very hard when you can’t tell me your secrets. You keep it to yourself. I respect that, everyone has something. I respect everything you did. Even if your stubborn, I’ll put up with it. Thats who I am, everything I’ve done up to now, you asked me WHY we can’t be best friends. You mean that one where we all chill and know everything and such? Hm… you mean me asking if you would like to go out ? have fun ? I put your money, time, badminton, school into consideration. But you prefer not to go. I don’t mind, if you dont want to. Why we can’t talk like best friends? You tell me everything, which I enjoy listening. I tell you…things like… work and whatever goes on. talking like best friends ? here’s the thing, if you don’t get me, you don’t get me. Me acting gay, me acting childish, me cussing, swearing at you in a NON-serious way. If you feel like I’m too mean, or immature, you can walk out. My life has always been go with it flow. I can be mature, you wouldn’t like it.

Welp, anyways, here I am blogging bout my shit. which I hate. cause that entitles me “LITTLE BIIIIIIIIIIATCH”.

I’ve put more, than I’ll receive. and I’ll never ask for it back. To me, I think that’s what a best friend is. You tell him about your life. You can talk to him throughout the day. He’ll pick you up in the late of night. whatever happens He’s there.

You’ve cried to me. To me, its not the prettiest sight to see, but knowing that I can just be there for you, is fine. I can’t do anything or know what to say, but I’m there. I’ll be there for you.

Even though I hate some things you do, because I don’t do it or I’m against it, I’ll always let it slide. Unless you smoke in my face, be with cigs or weed. I’ll turn my back and walk.

Just a whatever night yknow ? Let me blog this once until then I’ll be gone. Not sure why, but my mind is on a cycle. Probably blame the ice cream I ate. YES I am blogging about a girl. my ex. my whatever you would like to call it. NO, I am not talking shit, I am blogging out my thoughts.

Why do I always say the NO I aint talking shit? because on 1 OCCASION, she thought I was, and lets say it was all bad. 2. I feel like people, my friends, fucking tell her everything that happens on my blog as if their entitled to tell her everything. Sure we were “boyfriend/girlfriend”, but don’t ever limit her or label her as “bruce’s ex”. don’t do that. fucking annoying. If she gets a bf or is talking to a guy, don’t fucking tell me cause I really don’t fucking care. It’s her life, let her live it.  She’s told me how she limited her self to blogging about guys or anything cause shes afraid shes gonna hurt me. Well, how I felt on my first tumblr. and I never want that to happen to anyone.

Let her live her life. Let me live mine. Don’t tell anyone shit. If she had something to tell me, She’d tell me. Also she hates that I blog about her, or talking about her or even anything. Reason its so hard to do anything. I don’t know. I’ve known you for what? almost 2 years ? I just know, even the phone call you gave me and went silent, I can tell somethings wrong.

You’re not always perfect, you may make mistakes, but I’ll accept you for who you are. After all, I did fall for you PRETTY HARD. So don’t ever limit yourself and as for me, I still act the same as I am at Luckys or just cussing you out. I do that because I’m showing you how I act and that we can talk like that to eachother, but you start telling people that I’m mean and I cuss at you… and that just kills everything for me. Puts me in a bad spot.

Ehh… I think I’ll start to end this here. I’d say more, but knowing people their gonna tell her and it’s gonna escalate to the point where she text/calls me and we have a LONG TALK.and then her phone dies or internet dies and we end the night. :P

“because all I know is that, if I die…I’m not of importance”

EWWW EMO LINE. 

I congratulate ANYONE who read this word for word (now people are gonna be like OH SHIT WHAT DID HE SAY :O ? )

Thanks for reading. Ain’t my life so interesting?! All this over one girl. My mind be intense yo, 2 ice cream gets you going.

Isn’t it weird, for me, who always seems happy and a chill guy to have so much going on in his mind? To be sad and blogging his mind and emotions ? Yeah I don’t understand it either, but I guess I’m that caring.We talked everyday, we hang out, we basically match clothes once, Me going all this and that for you. Seems like we could have been together, in that bestfriend stage, but I guess … FUCK IT. Yeah, 2months, got over me, liked someone else. told me you’re not ready. All in all, I don’t think, after saying that line and doing that after, it’s never / not ever going to work out between us. I tried my best I really did. I cared for you more than me. Your happiness over mine. yes yes, you never ask for it, but then again you’d prefer that I do some things since no ever did it for you. If you have a boyfriend, talking to some other guy. Enjoy your life. I’ll never confront you or post shit like this ever again. You’re happy and I don’t even want to intervene/problems. I also don’t ever want to get into that “boyfriend is jealous” problem. Shit aint worth my time, because he’s got you and I don’t. Why start something, when you have something?

ALSO IF IT DOES SEEM LIKE I’M TALKING SHIT, I give her permission to hit me. why?  “TALK SHIT, GET HIT!” homie. Only goes for guys. Never hit a girl.

ANYWAYS FUCK, GOOD NIGHT. PEACE OUT. TUMBLR is #1 for blogging. Just had to get all of that out there. Again, thanks for reading WORD FOR WORD. Might make a tumblr over summer just for working out progress and record keeping.

Also, from reading top to bottom, did you notice or felt a change of pace ? emotion / feelings wise? Was it from sad to kinda chill out like oh shit this homie bout to sleep and shiiit! haha, anyways peace.

How long? I d k
Have fun :D

March 16, 2012

Today was … pretty fucking awesome.

Finally slept for 8-10hours, felt great also felt sore, been awhile since that happened.

So I woke up, texted Paulina, she was right about to play badminton. She told me she her new racket she ordered from malaysia. I went off w/ +100 badminton skill +20 smash and drop. I’m a loser I know. Went to MP to chill for a bit and get Kevin Wolf’s AMC  ticket, which he forgot or left it in his moms car. Paulina texted me to go pick her up around 3pm. So I roll out, vrooom! to mission, picked her up. While driving her home we talked about how her badminton racket was awesome and she was great, even pushups, danggg! So I told her I’d pick her up around 6ish for the movies, watching The Lorax. So I go home, shower, get dressed, dropped off my older sister to work and text/call her which she doesnt reply (I already assumed she KO’d) and when she does, she doesn’t wake up til tomorrow x) So I TRY to hit some friends up, went back to MP chilled a little then Paulina woke up  ! Phew! So while I Waited for her to get ready, I sat in kevins car w/ chi and tiffany talking. Went to chi’s house to drop off kevin’s car then drove to Target and chilled. Saw Salina and Sandra! Their cool kids x) Bought deodorant and gum, Paulina texted me if we wanted to leave early to get some boba or something. I told her I’ll get some after I leave Target which I rushed over since the movie started at 9pm. Got two jasmine milk tea, rushed to her house and picked her up. She cute :P ! Drove to the movies at Emall, SNUCK our drinks in and watched the Lorax. Was a cool movie.   at the last 10min or so, I see paulina legs shaking and im like… YOU OK? She had to go Pee very bad and held it in. I was like omg…this girll…..  ANYWAYS after we left she was TRIPPIN because I had to pickup my older sister, but I told her she went home already. Played DDR or well FAILED attempt, Paulina didnt wanna play with me. We raced…I lost cause I’m asian driver. Uhhh… So I guess we went to Fowlers after. Pretty awesome moment, we just sat there for like an hour or more talking about everything. Relation/This/That/Life. I love it, I love having moments like those with anyone, but with her it was the first time ever. So I HEAR her stomache growl and I Was like…your hungry huh ? haha, well I brought up fastfood and Im like you dont eat it huh…but she said i eat chicken. so I mention BK and OFF WE GO! ordered MD fries, 10 chicken tenders and a single stacker. Drove up Tully hill and ate there and talked more. Drove her home around 2am and just kinda talked for a bit more. I left and walked out the car…I WAS LIKE BLAM! IM OUT! but came back for my keys. tried to go into her house for fun cause she was telling me to leave cause her family was home X) I WAS DOWN TO MEET THEM! Said our byes, told her to text/I’ll call. Came home, texted her no repl, called, miss call. IMA ASSUME she KTFO! ANYWAYS PEACE!

(Source: brain-food)

ibangpurple:

so pretty *_*